Chickens and Eggs

My life’s in a bit of a rut lately. I don’t know if I’m just really good at making excuses but it seems like everything I need to do is subject to the chicken and the egg phenomenon. I graduated over a year ago now with my business degree and I still don’t have a full time job. I’ve had several temporary jobs but have been collecting unemployment since May. I decided that I need to move away. Going to a church that is like one big extended family (a large number of members actually are) in a smallish city is not exactly conducive to self exploration and discovery. You never know when you might bump into someone or who might see you going in where. There also aren’t a lot of entry level opportunities for recent accounting grads either so moving makes sense from a job point of view as well. This is where the chicken and the egg phenomenon comes into play. It seems no one wants to interview someone that isn’t local and I can’t afford to move somewhere if I don’t have a job. This phenomenon is even affecting my personal life. I’m kicking myself for telling my parents I’m gay. Stupid emotions! Stupid ex for breaking up with me! The plan was to wait until I was living on my own and economically independent. Why can’t I just stick to the plan! My parents aren’t about to send me off to a rehab camp or anything but they do think it’s a sin and expect me to change. They’ve made it clear that while they will always love me they cannot support me if I’m living a “sinful” “lifestyle”. Because it looks like I will need to move in order to get a job, I will need financial help from them and because I told them I was gay, I need to be careful what I say and do. So for now I am listening to what they have to say (we don’t really talk about it that often) and being open to the possibility that I am wrong. Deep down I’m pretty sure I’m not but I don’t think I’m just pretending for my parents when I say I’m open to the possibility. I think it would be pretty arrogant to just dismiss everything I’ve been taught my whole life without giving it some serious consideration. What makes me any smarter than prior generations. If I’m going to disagree with something I should at least know what I disagree with and why. It’s a lot to deal with since I’ve been going to that church since before I can remember. Anyways, it just seems like everything in my life is waiting on me getting a job. It’s not just the money. It’s the daily routine that I want as well. I want to start exercising and eating better but it’s hard when you don’t have a routine.

Speaking of chickens and eggs, I’m going tomorrow to pick up some chicks. Yes I’m still gay. I mean actual chicks. Ten brown egg layer chicks. So in about 6 months or so we’ll start getting more eggs than we know what to do with (picture buying a half dozen eggs every day of the week). I’ll be sure to keep an eye on them so that I don’t make the same mistake Brett did but I’m pretty sure they’re a sex-linked cross. (It has to do with poultry colour genetics. I’d go into it but you’re probably already bored.) Maybe I’ll borrow my mom’s camera so I can post some pictures. Then again maybe I won’t. We’ll see.